It’s a red letter day as Fergie goes to Holyrood

So it was that he found time in his schedule last week to do some politicking for his Labour Party chums ahead of the Scottish elections, urging us to spurn the Tories.

Don't forget how bad the last lot were, was the gist of his message: and after all, Fergie knows what he's talking about.

Remember, it wasn't that long ago people wanted rid of him at Old Trafford, forgetting that his predecessors as manager were the likes of Ron Atkinson and Dave Sexton . . . not quite as bad as Margaret Thatcher and John Major in comparison to Blair, but still.

Inspired by election fever, and in the interest of maintaing balance, we canvassed opinion from some of Scottish football's other leading figures, wondering who will be getting their votes come May.

• Stephen Frail
  "I have been told by my superiors that I must vote UKIP because Hearts want nothing to do with Europe."

• Michael Stewart
  "SOLIDARITY!! My brothers, what we need now is SOLIDARITY!!

"Rise up, I say, rise up! In the face of tyranny, one must be strong, stand up for what one believes in and damn the consequences! I myself have paid the cost for what I believe in. Would I do it again? Of course I would!

"My brothers, the only thing necessary for double training sessions to flourish is for good men to do nothing! Rise up! Rise up! Rise up!

"Who's with me? Oh, no-one . . ."

• John Hughes
  "Ah'll tell ye whit's mishin from society these daysh - one thing: CHARACTER!

"Ah looook at these young boysh today and they love playin fitba - git the baw doon, pash it, tek a loook at wee Russell LaTAAAPy - but ah loook tae see huv they got one thing: CHARACTER!

"Ats what it's aw aboot thumps chest fearsomely with fist - huvin tha' heart an huvin tha' CHARACTER!

"Thatsh why ah'll be votin Tory - bring back the birch ah say."

• Craig Brewster
  "Och, that bloody council tax, it's a damn disgrace. And see ma heating bills? You wouldnae credit it, you really wouldnae - and me with ma bad leg.

"So that's why me and Andy Millen are voting for . . . eh . . . bugger I've forgotten what they're called now . . . that pensioner party, you know the one . . . No, it's gone completely. Och well, I'll just put an X next to whoever has the nicest name like last time."

• Vladimir Romanov
  "Monster Raving Loony Party. Obviously."

Spotted

• David Weir confirmed that he would be spending another year at Rangers on Friday, but the eagle-eyed visitor to Glasgow's Art Fair could have had the scoop the day before.

For the no-nonsense defender could be seen perusing the stalls, brochure in hand, with the glint in his eye of a man ready to spend a bundle of cash decorating his new home in Glasgow.

• Also out and about this week was a certain Hibs player who seems likely to be seeking alternative employment in the summer.

The venue, therefore, was apposite: the SPFA's open day at Hampden, an event designed to inspire players looking for normal jobs after their playing careers finish.

A man's game?

• Journalism trade paper The Press Gazette had a heartwarming feature last week, about a self-described sports hack who had had a sex change to become a woman.

As if further to prove that one of the last bastions of misogyny, sports journalism, is arriving in the 21st century, Donna Greenberg reveals in her forthcoming book "Why Is My Dad Not Answering Her Phone" that she has been accepted with open arms.

Who knows, at this rate maybe someday soon Match of the Day will even be able to field a woman commentator without patronising her.

Ronaldinho given the big kiss-off

• Another conspiracy theory behind Ronaldinho's poor form. The Brazilian genius has been subdued by his own standards this season and the subject of fatso jibes. The latest embarrassment: having to deny that he has mononucleosis, or "kissing disease" as it was known in our school. No wonder these rumours persist: after all, just look at the sex symbol.

Lineker looks as smooth as ever

• TV history was made at the weekend when 32-year-old Jacqui Oatley became the first female commentator on Match of the Day. Higher-pitched, but no more or less insightful than the usual collection of eejits (and infinitely better than Motty, of course), Jacqui had a comfortable debut. But did Lee Dixon really have to say "she did quite well, didn't she?" in the post-match discussion? Following on from the schoolboy taunting of stand-in host Gabby Logan while Gary Lineker was at Augusta, it really hasn't been a good month for the show's PC credentials. And let's not even get into yesterday's tabloid revelations about Lineker. Back 4 will not be rushing to try out his alleged "Do you fancy a crispy duck?" chat-up line any time soon.

No garlic, no smoking and no red hair

• China are leaving nothing to chance as they prepare for the Beijing Olympics. Their latest bout of fretting is over their taxi drivers, who have been dealt with an in-depth list of rules for 2008. "The taxi drivers are a window through which the foreigners will see Beijing, and we need to further regulate their services," said Lin Xiaoming, vice director of the Beijing Transport Commission. So: brush your teeth after eating garlic, be polite and don't smoke while driving. Female cabbies should not have brightly dyed red or yellow hair or large, oversized earrings. Male drivers have been told to keep their hair short. And both were admonished to clean up their cabs: some drivers work 24-hour shifts and sleep in their cars. Hopefully Ken Livingstone will institute a similar policy for 2012, banning cabbies from talking about "immigrants", or explaining exactly what is wrong with the country.

Mr Bean, British icon

• What an experience it would be to live and work in another country for a few years, learning the customs of your adopted home, immersing yourself in a different culture. "I like the food, it has been excellent. I especially enjoy fish and chips. I need my weight for strength," says Argentine fatty Carlos Tevez, settling in nicely thanks. Cameroonian defender André Bikey, on loan at Reading FC from Lokomotiv Moscow, has got even more involved in British culture. "I had never had fish and chips before I came but now I eat them all the time," he said. Food has not been the only highlight of Bikey's stay: "I have always enjoyed watching English comedy programmes on TV - Mr Bean is the best. He is a crazy man. I bought the DVD as soon as I came to Reading and watch it every day after training."

Boruc to the rescue, and not just for Celtic

• Artur Boruc: not only can he save all manner of shots, he also saves the day. The scene: Govan's Elder Park. Pregnant Madga Kucko, sister Halina and brother-in-law Janusz Lizok are enjoying a stroll in their new country. Enter neds. Hearing a foreign accent, they decide it's time to attack, and move in with Dobermans, throwing cans of bevvy and generally behaving like utter scum. That's until big Artur flies in to save his fellow Poles. "I cannot bear to think what might have happened if he had not been there," Magda told a tabloid. But like all superheroes, Artur was not for basking in praise: "I just did what any ordinary person would have done."