Hot topic

Now I know such a suggestion is anathema to many folk, but when Tony and First Minister Jack McConnell called in at Real Radio in Glasgow, presenter Robin Galloway told the Prime Minister: "Scots guys find your wife quite hot."

Jack was heard muttering in the background, probably trying to save his boss from embarrassment, until Tony told him: "What do you mean it's a joke Jack? Thank you very much. You just stopped being my favourite Scot there."

But, of course, Tony was only joking. Because of the polls, Jack had stopped being Tony's favourite Scot a long time ago.

Incidentally, Tony replied: "Well I find her very hot, so there you go, that's something we've got in common."

• The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Centre is about to open this week in Bell Street, Glasgow, after the building has been kitted out. Walking past it yesterday, a reader noticed that the van parked outside was from McGay Flooring.

"I wonder how they got the contract?" she idly wondered.

Ooops
Malaproisms continued. A reader tells us about a niece watching a television news report on a sex offender. She snorted in disgust at the short sentence handed out to him, and announced that she thought they should all be "gilded and made into unicorns".

And on the question of folk attempting to talk posh, Janette, fae Stevenston, Ayrshire, bidding to be grammatically correct as a child, told her parents: "A girl at school today had an epileptic foot."

Losing the plot
Yes, thank you all the men - and it would be men - who contacted us to argue: "Fifteen service personnel captured for straying into Iranian waters. Fourteen men and one woman.

"Doesn't take a genius to work out who was reading the map."

Head bummer
Out being filmed for his party political broadcast yesterday while driving was Solidarity leader Tommy Sheridan who had director Peter Mullan of award-winning The Magdalene Sisters in the back of his car directing the action.

Helping to make the broadcast was fellow actor and director Martin McCardie who looked at the film shot and spotted Peter's greying napper in some of the shots. Peter argued the car was quite small and difficult to remain out of shot.

"I don't recall," McCardie snapped back, "Martin Scorsese's heid appearing in his films."

• Further use of bad puns to promote concerts - Ian Dempster recalls a tour by the band Sparks which the poster billed as "An evening of gratuitous sax and senseless violins."
  
  Film celebrity
  Jim in Shawlands hears two women at the bus stop chatting about the number of politicians out canvassing at the weekend.

"Aye the place wis hoachin' wi' them," opined one. "That Mohammad Starwars was standing wi' a big smile handing oot leaflets."

Apologies to Labour MP Mohammad Sarwar, pictured, but we kind of like it if our politicians were named after famous films - it would at least make the election a little bit more interesting.

Practically perfect
Ah, the Glasgow banter. We guess the woman we overheard in the city centre bar at the weekend couldn't resist telling her pal, when asked about her husband's recent trip to the doctor: "When the doctor came out the examining room, he said he didn't like the look of my husband.

"I told him I didn't either, but he was good with the kids."

Idol hands
Meanwhile in America, our correspondent tells us that the campaign to disrupt American Idol - their equivalent of television's The X Factor - by getting folk to vote for tone-deaf singer Sanjaya Malakar is gathering steam with a website votefortheworst.com urging viewers to vote for the worst possible choice.

It is rumoured that when President Bush heard about it he commented: "Hey, it worked for me."